Oh. My. God.
Sometimes you find jewels by accident. And although jewel might be pushing it…ok,
so it’s more a shiny pile of crap rather than a jewel. But to sporkers, it’s a jewel…shaped pile of crap.
Brittany is a sue. But God forbid you tell the Suethor that. Mizu Kai is horribly ill-equipped at dealing with criticism and reacts the same was a small child would when having a tantrum.
Well, sucks. Because Brittany Kai is violent, disgusting, hypocritical, slut shaming, arrogant and the whole fic is a circle jerk to Mizu Kai’s self insert.
She’s definitely one of the worst sues I’ve seen out there.
Which makes this fic perfect for us to rip apart.
I can cope with 95 chapters of Anya and her Draco-drama. I’m struggling to cope with 25 chapters of this women hating, self-gratifying, idiotic bile.
Send Tom Hiddleston with a warm blanket and chocolate biscuits.
I have yet to understand why these suethors never get a beta. Or least one, one that knows how to beta.
HAVE I MENTIONED HOW BEAUTIFUL I AM TODAY?
Any and all gushing of Brittany, either in text or by the characters themselves, will add to this count.
DID NOT DO THE RESEARCH
As always for a Sue fic, they make shit up for the purpose of their OCs being super awesome
THE CHOSEN SUE
Usually applies for her being exempt from the rules or being related to the canon characters somehow.
DUDE, YOU’RE NOT IN THIS SCENE
As per usual, stealing canon awesomeness from a character.
IT’S ALL PART OF MY MARY SUE FANTASY
The usual: Draco Malfoy, awesome powers, shiny trinkets, the best broom…
With even more fanfiction cliches than Anya Collins! I know, we couldn’t believe it either!
They smirk. A lot. Halp.
INSTANT ORIGINALITY, JUST ADD (CULTURE)
The author falls into the trap of forcing her own interests onto her Sue/insert.
This episode, we see a lot of Japanese references get shoved in with a hammer, whether it fits or not.
WHAT A BRAT!
Brittany is a whiny, self absorbed SOB that even Rose Potter would fear.
FRIENDSHIP IS VIOLENCE
Much like Anya, in an attempt to make Brittany a Ginny type firecracker, all she succeeded in doing was making her a violent asshole. Furthermore, despite being ‘friends’ all they seem to do is smack each other around.
They diss humanity a lot. And are generally jerks. Despite Brittany being hailed as good and pure and loyal we never actually see any of it. Where have we seen that before?
I’M A MISFIT, DAMN IT!
Some of the reasons Brittany is a misfit feel really forced. Seriously, they’re scraping the bottom of the barrel. If you have to change canon personalities to make her a misfit, you’re not doing a very good job.
IN CASE YOU FORGOT SHE’S A MISFIT
We’re making a count of how often the word ‘misfit’ is used. It’s a freaking lot.
PAY ATTENTION, FORESHADOWING
Just in case you missed it, FORESHADOWING will be so unsubtle it’s like a flashing light right in front of you going ‘hey! you should pay attention to this!’
WAY TO BUMP UP THE WORD COUNT
This fic is full of ‘banter’ and pointless padding.
MATURITY LEVEL ZERO
Adults do not act like adults. Petty, bitchy douchebags with a temper and no consideration for the outcome? Yes. Adults, no. So much no.
POUTING LIKE A FUCKING CHILD
After smirking, pouting is the next expression that the Suethor seems to know. This really is just setting up some greedy, childish unlikeable SOBs, isn’t it?
BELLA SWAN’S SCHOOL OF FEMINISM
Men are everything and girls are reduced to the Madonna-Whore complex.
WAS THIS WRITTEN BY RITA SKEETER?
From the love dodecahedrons to misunderstandings and Brittany macking on her BROTHER, it’s like a Cassandra Clare novel.
UMBRIDGE IS MY PATRONUS
Brittany blatantly manipulates and bribes everyone around her. Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S NOT ON MY CHARACTER SHEET?
You should not have to alter a character’s personality for something to happen. This is bad writing.
You will not recognise them as their canon selves.
DON’T LOOK IT IN THE EYE
Emerald eyes or caramel eyes are mentioned at least once a chapter. IT’S REPETITIVE, WE KNOW WHAT COLOUR THEIR EYES ARE.
SHH IT’S A SECRET
Despite secrets being a recurring theme in the story all of them are easy to guess and don’t really cause any problems for the main characters.
Characters are sometimes evil to the point of hammy. For…drama?
DUMBSHIT QUOTA REACHED
For all stupidity, usually to forward the plot.